Author Topic: Spam attack  (Read 44051 times)

Offline slaughterboy

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #105 on: March 10, 2016, 01:21:11 AM »
I once wrote an occasional internet log of nonsense called 'The Book Of Lies' which, as the title suggests, was just a load of ridiculous 'facts' that I wrote straight off the top of my head. Admittedly, it was a bit Viz like. But it was good fun to write and seemed to go down well at the time.

I'm good at bollocks, which is nothing to brag about. But I am.
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Offline slaughterboy

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #106 on: March 10, 2016, 01:32:52 AM »
Just dug out the first ten:

Quote
1. Mice are tiny roadsweepers. Their pay is not good, but the hours are flexible. Every time you see a clean road: Mice.

2. All shaving foam comes from the sweat glands of Arnold L. Patterson of Peroia, Illinois. He is milked for it by worker Foam Ants.

3. Prince Harry is, at 4'8", the tallest member of the Royal Family. When you hear the phrase 'The Royal Box' this is not something they sit in at the theatre, but something they stand on when having their photos taken next to visiting dignitaries.

4. The skin of the Cresta Bear from the "It's Frothy Maaan" adverts in the 1970's is now a rug in Gordon Brown's office at 10 Downing Street.

5. Jamie Farr ('Klinger' in MASH) invented the nose-whistle. He was paid $4 million for the patent and blew the lot on a warehouse full of dresses.

6. Nick Cave once scored a goal for Melbourne FC, then painted a picture of the feat with a bush made ENTIRELY from his own nose-hairs.

7. Mark E. Smith once swam the complete length of the River Trent, then celebrated this feat by drinking it. Every single drop...

8. All meercats are, in fact, several squirrels sellotaped together and given a large dosage of ketamine. And little smoking-jackets...

9. One of the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse used to be a stablehand at the Godolphin stables, but got a bit bitter when Lester Piggot didn't get his round in at the pub after a day at the gallops.

10. Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore once hit a mirror with a zit from a distance of 94'5". Thurston is 9'3" tall and dresses to the left.


Clearly rambling...
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Offline slaughterboy

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #107 on: March 10, 2016, 01:37:16 AM »
I particularly like these two though:


Quote
18. The theme tune to 60's/70's sit-com 'On The Buses' was written and played by The Jam. It was their first ever composition. Weller's dad came up with the idea whilst driving his son and the rest of the band around Guildford.

19. A mis-heard outburst from Weller was used as catch-phrases throughout the series: The drummer believed Weller was becoming a bit big-headed about his contribution and, in sarcasm, made a clay model of Weller's head and shoulders in a God-Like pose. Upon seeing it placed in front of the mic at the rehearsal room, Weller screamed,

"...I hate you, Buckler...get that bust out!..."

The rest is history.

 ;)
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Offline Fred21

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #108 on: March 10, 2016, 06:20:33 PM »
I liked them all - except Number 7.
















Mark E. Smith drinking water indeed!
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Offline Fred21

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #109 on: March 10, 2016, 06:22:08 PM »
I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it. ― W.C. Fields.
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Offline Fred21

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #110 on: March 10, 2016, 06:24:36 PM »
It's amazing how many of his quotes are used in everyday language:

http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/82951.W_C_Fields
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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #111 on: March 13, 2016, 09:55:27 AM »
Hey,

Im just wondering if TM3 is planning a track date in the summer.
I might be getting the three in the summer, itll be an amazing bonus if you guys have a track date.

Offline Fred21

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #112 on: March 14, 2016, 10:51:10 AM »
Right, that does it. I'm dipping my toe into the surrealist pond.

Mothercare hamster bondage trousers,

Half-price all this week.

Think I'll go and buy some,

As my hamster home's so bleak.

I think I'll get the tartan ones,

'Coz they look real sleek!

That leaves one final question:

"Does black monkey x white stick2 = spotted purple foal?" Discuss.
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Offline Uli

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #113 on: March 15, 2016, 11:56:46 AM »
In the very nice Hope pub in Carshalton, someone was drinking water, guess what one person said about it? "Do you know what fish do in water"?  ;D

Oh and btw some spam deleted (incl one of Fred's replies - sorry!).
« Last Edit: March 15, 2016, 12:05:36 PM by Uli »
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Offline Fred21

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #114 on: March 15, 2016, 01:13:51 PM »
No problem - and if DJvawS is a real TUT I'm a supermodel!
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Offline slaughterboy

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #115 on: March 15, 2016, 06:00:25 PM »
No problem - and if DJvawS is a real TUT I'm a supermodel!

This means that we don't get to see you in a bikini then, Fred?!

Shame!!  :D
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Offline slaughterboy

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #116 on: March 15, 2016, 06:03:32 PM »
Right, that does it. I'm dipping my toe into the surrealist pond.

Mothercare hamster bondage trousers,

Half-price all this week.

Think I'll go and buy some,

As my hamster home's so bleak.

I think I'll get the tartan ones,

'Coz they look real sleek!

That leaves one final question:

"Does black monkey x white stick2 = spotted purple foal?" Discuss.

I don't think this 'Fred21' is a real person somehow.

I mean...everyone knows that black monkey x white stick2 = spotted purple fool!

Klaus - delete him!!  ;)
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Offline Fred21

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #117 on: March 15, 2016, 07:31:02 PM »
A common misconception I'm afraid. You DON'T win 5!
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Offline slaughterboy

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #118 on: March 16, 2016, 01:51:26 PM »
Damn!

And I was going to go out for a fish supper, a ride on the Omnibus and spend an evening dancing at the Palais on that fiver!!
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Offline Fred21

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Re: Spam attack
« Reply #119 on: March 16, 2016, 07:28:02 PM »
It's still available for a correct answer!
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