Author Topic: A joke or two to start the week.  (Read 14138 times)

Offline Uli

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #90 on: June 29, 2017, 09:29:03 AM »
A: I'm a confident driver.
B: You almost run someone over!!
A: Confidently though...
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Offline Uli

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #91 on: July 06, 2017, 10:29:38 AM »
For some reason, I thought this is one to post in here...  ;D

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Offline Fred21

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #92 on: July 06, 2017, 10:42:53 AM »
Should be in the Sp*nd** B*ll*t section!


Offline Uli

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #93 on: July 06, 2017, 03:28:59 PM »
Apparently a man in Nigeria died and authorities found this in his apartment:


He tried to get rid of it, but no-one replied to his emails...
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Offline Fred21

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #94 on: August 22, 2017, 09:34:46 AM »
The top 15 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe - Number 15 especially for Uli!

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

Offline Uli

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #95 on: August 22, 2017, 10:16:55 AM »
Just around the corner and miles away...

Offline Fred21

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #96 on: August 25, 2017, 01:49:25 PM »
Not a joke, but it made me laugh:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlqoSE7Q9xY

First rule of comedy - you've got to have reality!

Offline Fred21

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #97 on: September 13, 2017, 03:54:31 PM »
I heard a good line on the radio yesterday when they were discussing the vote on same sex marriage in Australia.

The comedian said: " I hate it when people say that same sex marriage is 'unnatural in the eyes of God'. I'll tell you what would be unnatural in the eyes of God - contact lenses!"

Offline Uli

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #98 on: September 15, 2017, 12:17:53 PM »
Stole this from someone on FB:

Elvis Presley drags himself out of the swimming pool for the tenth time. Priscilla says "What are you playing at?". Elvis says "I can't help falling in, love".
 ;D
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Offline Fred21

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Re: A joke or two to start the week.
« Reply #99 on: September 15, 2017, 01:07:41 PM »
Nice one!