Excellent so-bad-it's-good joke received from one of my sisters:
Justice has been served!
There's been some scumbag called Callum, known as Cal, going round breaking into people's houses around here for months, but the police haven't been able to catch him. The weirdest thing about it all, is he was breaking into people's houses and ruining their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on, while helping himself to whatever he wanted! Really weird if you ask me...
Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley because of a drug overdose.
It's never nice hearing of someone's death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Cal gone!